Is there anybody else up there?" Faith A man was walking in the mountains just enjoying the scenery when he stepped too close to the edge of the mountain and started to fall. "Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?" "I don't see why not," replies the doctor. "Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands. He's trying to catch up on his sleep." Piano A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. Curious, the woman finally pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon, your dog comes to my house for a nap." The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "We have six children. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour. An hour later, he went to the door, and the woman let him out. But when she walked into the house, the dog followed her, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. The woman could tell from the dog's collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. now what do we tell them for Christmas?" Tired Dog OK One afternoon, a woman was in her back yard hanging laundry when a tired-looking dog wandered into the yard.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife and says, "Okay, they're coming for Thanksgiving. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow.
Don't do a single thing until I get there. "They're not getting divorced if I have anything to do about it," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced. Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "I'm just here to hook up your telephone." Divorce An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing forty-five years of misery is enough." "Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir." "Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?" "Nothing important, sir," the airman replied. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. Then, the washing machine broke and New Office Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. First, little Billy fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. She said, "This is the worst day of my life.
Bob was confused and asked why she was crying. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. Joe said that he'd started this about 6 months ago, it had revived their marriage and things couldn't be better. About ten minutes into the procedure, Kelsey got scared and cried, "I want my mommy!" I quickly pulled off my mask and said, "I AM your mommy." Without hesitation, my daughter yelled back, "Then I want my granny!" JOE & BOB Once they were working on the deck, Bob told Joe that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. My pastor will find me!" Dentist Visit When they came in, I greeted them warmly, seated Kelsey, and, as usual, put on my gloves, goggles, and mask. I make $100,000 a week and I tithe ten percent on that $100,000 a week. "Don't you understand?!? We're going to die!!" The second man replied, "You don't understand, I make $100,000 a week." The first man looked at him quite dumbfounded and asked, "What difference does that make?!? We're on an island with no food and no water! We're going to DIE!!!" The second man answered, "You just don't get it. "We trust them with the children, don't we?" Shipwreck The second man was propped up against a palm tree and acting so calmly it drove the first man crazy. Cautiously, he asked the school's long time Custodian, "Do you think it's wise to keep the stock room unlocked and to let the teachers take things without requisitions?" The Custodian looked at him gravely. Good for the heart I've heard." The reporter replied, "That's ALL?" The man smiled, "That, and canceling my voyage on the Titanic." Check Out The school where he had been a Principal the previous year had used a check-out system only slightly less elaborate than that at Fort Knox. "Sir, what is the secret of your long life?" The man considered this for a moment, then replied, "Every day at 9 PM I have a glass of port. Secret An old man was relaxing at his hundredth birthday party when a reporter went up to him.
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